If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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