She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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