4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
