There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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