Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
