You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Watching her eat just hurts me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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