last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
