All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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