i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
