There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
