Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize