your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
