the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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