My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I pour the whiskey from now on
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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