bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
