why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
