thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
