i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
