is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
