I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
