Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
