First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Vodka?
Forever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
