***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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