Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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