We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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