I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
