shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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