Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
