They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
