dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
