no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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