i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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