It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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