Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize