I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
