Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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