my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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