Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
