omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
