Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
