we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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