I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize