I wanna passion pit in your ass
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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