I got chris browned last night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
