You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just high enough for therapy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
