I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
