we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
