saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
