quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
