He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize