his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
