Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
