so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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