we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
