I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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