i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
