i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
