then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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