You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
