I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my poor anus
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
