So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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