good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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