My first STD was from a foam party
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
