I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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