Buhtt sex?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
