Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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