She's JV to your varsity
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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