Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize