so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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