I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
